McCloud Part 1

The online comic I analyzed for this blog is called “Pup” and it is posted at: http://www.drewweing.com/pup/04pup.html. This comic is about a philosophical dog and his two naïve cat friends. Another good example of the comic is at: http://www.drewweing.com/pup/01pup.html. The comic I am analyzing is called “Deep Thoughts.” In the comic one of the cats sees pup walking by and wonders what he is thinking about. He assumes pup is thinking deep thoughts, but when we get to the end of the comic we see that pup is just thinking about eating a hamburger. I liked this comic because it is humorous but it illuminates some deep and interesting ideas. I think this has been an important function of comics and cartoons, which is a concept that McCloud doesn’t talk about very much in the book.

This cartoon uses bubble symbols that the reader recognizes as indicators of thoughts, not communication or actions. We see the cat, Kitzel, thinking about what pup is thinking about. This is a concept that would be somewhat difficult to describe with words alone, and it is much easier shown through images. It provides for an interesting visual. Pup has a masking effect in it, where some of the colors within the panel are more vibrant than others. In this particular Pup comic the most vibrant colors are applied to the images within thought bubbles. This seems to put emphasis on the thoughts as being more important than the reality outside of them. The ideas are given more weight than reality.

The characters are simplified, but still more detailed than many cartoons. I don’t think the simplification of the characters, in this case, leads the reader to relate more greatly to the characters. Even if they were more detailed we could relate. This is probably because they are animals. It is interesting that through personification the reader can relate to the animals though.

We could get the main point of the comic just by looking at two panels; the third panel and the fifth, but the words in the other panels help to set the scene and make it easier for the reader to understand the main point of the comic. The panels are a mix of moment-to-moment and action-to-action. This is because the action involved is thought and the thoughts are relayed moment-to-moment. The final two panels are arranged as aspect-to-aspect. This is where we leave the aspect of Kitzel’s thoughts and enter the aspect of Pup’s thoughts. Between the fourth and fifth panels the reader is required to participate in the action and make the connection that we have stopped looking into the thoughts of Kitzel and have entered the thoughts of Pup. We must deduct, visually, that this is not Kitzel thinking about Pup, but Pup thinking his own thoughts. There are visual indicators, such as the thought bubble coming from Pup’s head, and the fact that Kitzel is not depicted in the panel. We still assume, through closure within the sequence of images, that Kitzel is still at the scene, across the street. We also assume that Pup’s thoughts are taking place within the same time frame as Kitzel’s thoughts about his thoughts. Words and images work together to illustrate the ideas of the characters, and the most important thoughts are shown using pictures.

Even though there isn’t a violent act, or even a very exciting action in reality, the reader is a participant in viewing the thoughts of the characters. As readers we are given psychic powers to read into the thoughts of others. Kitzel never learns what pup is actually thinking, but we do. Like McCloud wrote on p.68, “Every act committed to paper by the comics artist is aided and abetted by a silent accomplice.” Even if that act is only omniscience.

Overall this comic plays on what McCloud explains on p.39, “All the things we experience in life can be separated into two realms, the realm of the concept and the realm of the senses.” In this case, the senses can be illustrated in the concept of thought and the thoughts are presented at least as sensually as the reality of the scene outside the characters’ thoughts.

Picturing Texts on the Web

A website that I think has an outstanding design is www.perich.com. Perich is an advertising and graphic design firm based in Ann Arbor. The opening page of the website uses words and pictures in a very unique way. As you move your mouse over the images, words pop up that describe what can be accessed by clicking on the picture. The site is very interactive and requires some interesting navigation. Some of the images seem a little random compared to the content, but this only adds to the viewer’s curiosity about the site, and encourages us to explore the entire site. The images cannot stand alone without the words that are revealed when the mouse is moved over the pictures.

The background picture of a building and the icons within it has a mostly symmetrical balance, and from that building other images and text project from various places when links are clicked by the mouse. Even the top of the building is balanced by a small billboard sign for Perich on the left corner, and a set of three light bulbs that contain a link called “interactive”, on the right. With the home page of the site, there is equal weight on both sides of the background. Certain elements of the page move, which draws our eyes attention and creates emphasis. By using animated objects and different colors, the designer has created patterns that move our eyes around the page. The page includes metaphors, such as a moving brain in one window of the background building that says “adverthinking” when the mouse moves over it. Also, clouds move in another window that says “our belief system” when the mouse moves over it. This implies some form of metaphysical belief, such as Heaven. One other example of symbolism is the picture of an old rotary dial telephone representing the link for contacting the company.

The whimsical character of the Perish brand is reflected in the design of their website. There is also a very surreal point of view, with a neutral negative space surrounding the detailed building. There is little depth to the site because the foreground does not separate from the background, except for the animated objects that move beyond the window frames at the top levels of the building. There is a horizon line, which provides a unique perspective because we can see the entire building, and can see into the levels below ground.

The most important information is classified in the windows at the top of the building, while supporting information is presented below, in an ordered, symmetric layout of icons. The site uses neutral colors in the frame of the building and the background, to contrast with the variety of color images that contain links to other parts of the site. Patterns are used to guide the viewer to specific areas of the page, and relay different types of information. The most important element of design applied to the site is repetition, which gives the page strong unity. While the links seem to be represented by random objects, the repetition of icons of the same size and color palette add to the unifying structure. Also, the repetition of the windows and shutters unify the image. There is a simple grid design to the layout of the page, which makes the site appealing and easy to use. I thought this page demonstrated a creative use of the elements and principles of design, which add drama to the information that the company wants to present. With their website, Perich shows why they have earned many design awards and contracts. Even though the pictures don't always make sense to the viewer, the page is visually stimulating and after clicking on a link they may be able to draw a better connection between the content and the icon image.

Peer Review 2

I thought the wiki technology was a good tool for peer review, but I didn't like it as much as google docs. I thought it was easier to use some features in google docs, such as strike through to show deletions. One thing that was better about the wiki was that we could view more of our classmates work, which made us learn more about style because we read a wide variety of rules. One of the problems with the wiki was that students didn't review each other's papers evenly, but this could be corrected if students were assigned groups, from their own class, to review in. Also, the wiki allowed us to work with people in other classes and I thought that was an interesting experience because it demonstrated the power of the internet. It would be easier to choose papers from other classes if students write which class they're in on their introduction page, which links readers to their essay. I wish I would have received feedback from more people. However, the feedback I got was very helpful. I think I gave better advice during this review than the first one. Most people seemed to have the same problem I had, which was trying to expand the content. I tried to make suggestions about information that would relate to their rule. I could have used more suggestions for how I should approach the examples and what kinds of examples I could use to demonstrate my rule. With both google docs and wiki, I found that the technology made the experience of peer review much easier than traditional hard copy editing.

What are other people thinking?

After reading through other students’ blogs I noticed that my opinions about Strunk and White versus Williams agreed with many other opinions in the class. I read through Nena’s entry and found several things that I agreed with. For one, she wrote that Strunk and White don’t go into as much detail as Williams, and that the details and explanation in Williams are what makes it a more useful reference. I also agree that Strunk and White is directed at a less advanced audience. Nena also pointed out that Strunk and White starts with the basics, which I agree with, although I think that Williams has a much more effective beginning because he doesn’t just give punctuation and grammar rules, but he begins with the basics of proper composition of a sentence. Strunk and White begin with punctuation and grammar rules that seem to be annoying to them, but they don’t provide any relevance to the reader. I agree with Nena that Strunk and White seemed much more opinionated and that they were more interested in making students avoid those things that annoyed them, but didn’t provide the reader with any motivation to want to follow the rules. One thing I disagreed with Nena about is that I don’t think the two books begin with the same information, or in the same format as Strunk and White. I think this is one of the major differences between the texts. However, I do agree with the fact that they both begin with fundamentals of writing. Williams is different because he builds on his beginning and has a better organization to the ideas he’s trying to convey. Each chapter builds on information acquired from the previous.

I also looked at Becca’s blog. I agree with her that Strunk and White is useful, for referencing specific grammar rules, and I also agree that after discussing in class and reading Williams, I changed my opinion about Strunk and White. I also have a better sense of the arrogance that is evident in Strunk and White. I can see more clearly how dated Strunk and White is, but I think it is still an important book, and it would have been much more helpful back at the time it was written. I think we have to consider that Strunk and White are both products of their time, and that some of that arrogance is to be expected because of the nature of writing. I also agreed with Becca that Williams uses better examples, and that he helps the reader learn how to make judgment calls about applying certain guidelines. Overall, there wasn’t very much that I disagreed with, and most people agree with me that Williams was overall a much more useful text than Strunk and White.

Comparing Strunk and White

The order of information is one of the most obvious differences between Williams’s Style and Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style. Strunk and White appear to begin almost arbitrarily, examining rules of punctuation. Williams begins with outlining the causes of bad writing, and defines vocabulary that must be understood to examine more complex concepts further in the book. I like that Williams gives some historical information about writing, because it is important to know the causes before trying to apply solutions.
I can definitely see a difference in audiences between Strunk and White, and Williams. Williams provides a more comprehensive look at the linguistic level. He does a better job of demonstrating through examples and explaining the reasons for following rules. Strunk and White designed The Elements of Style as a reference for students of beginning composition, but the book tries to address concepts that require some knowledge of linguistics. For example Strunk and White use the words “parallel construction,” but they don’t demonstrate how parallel construction occurs. On the other hand, Williams uses bold letters to emphasize where the rule violation takes place.
One of the rules from Strunk and White that I’ve tried to apply to my own writing is to “omit needless words,” but I thought Willaim’s book gave more precise details about how to eliminate wordiness. An example of this is on page 122 in the section about phrases that can be compressed into single words. Wiiliams helps us realize that we can limit metadiscourse, cut out words that state what can be implied, and avoid belaboring the obvious. All of these terms are also defined, in depth, in the book.
A major difference between the two style books is the length of discussion about each topic. Strunk and White have a rule that says “Place the emphatic words of a sentence at the end,” but they don’t define emphatic or explain why it should to at the end. They simply say, “”The proper place…” on page 32, but they don’t tell the writer how to decide what information should be prominent. In contrast, Williams explains what stress is and how it is a natural part of our speech patterns. He also explains that old information should go at the beginning of a sentence, to add to the overall flow of the document.
Interestingly, Williams also shows some examples where words should be added to improve clarity by running a thread through the sentence. An example of when to do this is on page 149 where Williams writes that it is sometimes good to repeat a word so that the reader knows what the subject of the sentence is, throughout. This is especially important in long sentences. I found that section particularly helpful, including the section about pronoun reference because I’ve never known how to handle sentences with multiple subjects. The long sentence section is an important difference between the books because Strunk and White never mention anything about stylistic variance, and it seems lik individual voice can easily be lost by trying to abide by all the rules of style. Williams makes it more clear that concise doesn’t always mean short, but instead means to the point. Every sentence doesn’t have to be under 20 words.
Overall, I learned much more from the Williams book than from Strunk and White. Williams organized the information well, and it is easy to navigate Style as a reference, even though it is a much longer book than The Elements of Style.

Editing with Williams

1) "One of the new features with the online catalog, is the ability to update program and course information with the changes made by departments."
One new feature of the online catalog allows departments to update program and course information.

2)"Application for admission as a guest student may be obtained either at the student’s home institution or EMU’s Office of Admissions."
Guest students may obtain an application for admission at either the student’s home institution or EMU’s Office of Admissions.

3)"The purpose of this agreement is to ensure that students who complete a specified distribution of general education courses at a Michigan community college will have satisfied all or most of the general education requirements at signatory four-year colleges."
This agreement ensures that students who complete specified general education courses at a Michigan community college will satisfy all or most general education requirements at participating four-year colleges.

I made most of these revisions to eliminate unnecessary words, which Williams explains is a key component to keeping writing concise. In the first sentence, I wanted to eliminate "the ability to," because it seemed there must be a better way to express the meaning of that phrase. In the process, I was also able to eliminate the comma and make the new feature the grammatical subject that provides an action.
In the second sentence I changed the subject from the applications to the guest students. Since guest students were already mentioned, they are old information and should be moved to the front of the sentence so that new and more important information can come later. We also eliminate useless words like "as" and "be".
In the final sentence, I first eliminated the phrase, "The purpose of this agreement is." This is one of those phrases that is rarely needed because the subject's purpose is implied in the rest of the sentence. I also took out the word "distribution" because it doesn't provide any crucial information. I changed the tense in the verb satisfy from "will have satisfied" to just "will satisfy." This brings unity among the tenses throughout the sentence because the first verb, "complete," is now in the same tense as the latter verb "satisfy." Lastly, I changed signatory to participating because signatory is a word that may confuse some readers.

Initial Reading of Strunk and White's "Elements of Style"

I have learned about Strunk and White’s "The Elements of Style," in other classes and I find it to be very helpful with my writing.
There is only one rule I found that doesn’t apply to the journalistic style of writing, which I use most often. That rule is, “In a series of three or more terms with a single conjunction, use a comma after each term except the last.” (2) An example of this is, “At the grocery store I bought apples, oranges, and bananas.” According to Strunk and White, the last comma is called the serial comma.(2) I learned in a news writing class, and through the AP Stylebook, that journalism does not use a serial comma.
I found three rules that are especially important to the journalistic type of writing I want to pursue professionally. The first of these rules is “Use the active voice.” (18) I learned in a modern grammar class that active voice is the most basic expression of core meaning that a sentence can have. This means that active voice makes the point of the sentence clear to the reader. Active voice begins with a subject, followed by a verb. Therefore, the subject of the sentence is the one performing the action, and is not having the action performed to them. An example of active voice is, “The dog bit the man.” The opposite of active voice is passive voice. An example of passive voice is, “The man was bit by the dog.” According to Strunk and White, “The active voice is usually more direct and vigorous than the passive.” (18) Furthermore, “…when a sentence is made stronger, it usually becomes shorter. Thus, brevity is a by-product of vigor.” (19)
Another rule that applies to journalism, and is particularly important to making your writing clear and understandable, is to “Omit needless words.” (23) According to this rule, every word used should have a meaning and reason to be there. Strunk and White state that, “every word should tell.” (23). Omitting needless words allows your writing to be concise. One example, particularly mentioned in Strunk and White, is the phrase, “the fact that.” (24) Instead of saying, “I was unaware of the fact that…,” it is better to write, “I was unaware that…,” or “I did not know…” (24) Making your writing longer than it needs to be only makes it harder for the reader to read, and complicates the point of the sentences. The error of using unnecessary words is also referred to by Strunk and White as “wordiness.” (24)
The final rule that I found that is important to journalism, and is a rule that I need to work on most, is “Put statements in positive form.” (19) According to this rule, we must be careful about using negation, especially the word “not”. An example of this rule is the phrase, “I did not remember.” A better form of the sentence is, “I forgot.” (20) The second sentence is more concise and omits needless words. This rule, for me, requires close reading and revising. The key to each of these rules is to analyze what you write and make corrections, and through practice they will become habit.